I always say trust your first feeling, if it felt a boy, honor it and ask them their name, honor that and set them free and yourself free by doing something to acknowledge their presence. A soul comes to this world to teach and learn, allowing yourself to look at the blessing of why they came to your life right then, what can you learn from it? What do you think they came to learn and again trust your first feelings and go with that. Again it helps you heal and grow. I spent my time writing my way out of pain and grief as you will see in the poems dotted around my website, I encourage you to to find a way to channel your pain, memory boards or books are always good. Grief can be a very slow process for some. Please nurture yourself as best you can in this space. It was quite a number of years before I began to feel I could live without feeling guilty for been happy. My deep connection to grief and loss has brought others who have experienced the loss of a child into my life and through our journeys and experiences together we where able to move on without feeling so alone. I have been privileged to make connections with their children and pass on life transforming messages on their behalf.
Loss brings up such a wide range of emotions and in particular the loss of a child, no matter how old they are for any parent is inconceivable. The hole and void that is left is almost unbearable. For many women and even dads, life is never the same, each day can be a battle to even get up and survive. The guilt, torment and emptiness can cause many to feel suicidal. Children for many, is their purpose in life. When thats taken away, whats left? A nothingness that is eternal in my experience. Through Ben and my choosing to finally recognize my many gifts,(all of us are gifted in someway) I have been able to find hope, truth and peace. In turn I do what I can to share this with those who need to feel hope again. I have felt a shift coming in my work this past number of weeks and I am glad to see that I am finally coming back to what made my mediumship gifts what they are. Spirit Children. I am now devoting my time to working more closely with parents, grandparents and even siblings. Because even little children need reassurance in times of loss. I cannot conduct readings with them but can help parents access how they are coping by tuning into their energy and what if anything they need.
With many stages to grief it can take quite a portion of a persons life before life becomes livable. I know only to well the harsh road of grieving a child. The sadness, the sleepless nights, the nightmares, the panic attacks and the self loathing that haunts your soul. The I am so bad of a person that God took my child and I hate myself so much cause I cant even have a child feelings, can take grip and everything in your world grinds to a halt.
I thank myself lucky though, for through all my pain, I had hope and a knowing that my son Ben who was the only one of the 5 who made it into a physical body was guiding me through it.
The soul of a child is so fresh, new and young that it is very easy to feel, see or sense their presence. Ben made his presence known almost with great fierce, to ensure I heard, that heaven had no place for me, in my dark days and even darker nights.
Things are much better now and I am finally free of the guilt and heartache. I still get the odd sad day but I know now that too shall pass. In order to grieve you need to face each emotion, the guilt, the anger and even the rage. Each emotion has a story to tell and only by telling it can it find its place in your book of life.
So for any of you parents that are struggling to make sense of it all, maybe would like to make a connection with your child in spirit, and this needing to know there ok is a healthy natural part of grief. Mediumship will not solve all your feelings but it can if you let it, help you take one step closer back to life again. Life will never be the same for you, you will view things differently but it can be fun once more if you have felt and sensed the presence of your child. If you have allowed them to nurture you from heaven, so they too know your going to be ok.
Let me know if you just need to talk, need to rant or need a connection. My experiences are different from yours but the emotions are the same. I don't know all your feelings, I will know some. But please do know you have my shoulder if you need it a little while.Whether your child is in spirit 1 week, 1 year or even 30 years it makes no odds. Sometimes we just need to talk.
My prayers thoughts and love are with you in this time regardless.